Friday, October 30, 2009
But...but...but...I have a spreadsheet to maintain!
October hits the family hard--barfing, coughing, and fevers. This definitely puts a wrench in my need to be organized regarding homeschooling. Yes, I will admit that I have a spreadsheet that I maintain weekly. I just love to check off each assignment as the kids complete it. Oh, let me be honest, I love creating and using spreadsheets almost, and maybe more, than I love office supplies. All of those little boxes of potential! All of those formulas to explore! I can merge cells, twist text, and create check boxes to my heart's content. But, when sickness hits, I am left with little unfilled check-boxes. I lay awake at night thinking things like, "Well, if I double up on history today, then I can have them do triple math tomorrow, then we will be caught up." Whoa. Caught up? To whom? Reality check, aisle 5! First of all, I need to remind myself that there is no rush, no competition, no prize for getting through an entire school year by March. Second, I am the Spreadsheet Creator! I can change the future with a few clicks of my mouse! Ah, the power!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
I think there are so many reminders about having faith and trusting God in the Bible because we need those reminders...lots of them. Keep the faith. Run the race. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Some days that is the most difficult thing to do. Do I even know what it is like to trust someone with my whole heart? Could I imagine myself falling backwards into the arms of Jesus knowing without a doubt that He will catch me? Honestly, no, I can't imagine doing that. Yet. But I know as I read the Bible and read these reminders, it will become part of my nature to let go and trust God.
And lean not unto your own understanding
This is me in a nutshell. (Help! Help! I'm in a nutshell!) I've burned up the internet searching for answers for Emily's problems. I am trying to figure all of this out myself. I am having great difficulty handing this over to God. It seems that on days when I finally give it over, something new or worse happens, and I start the whole cycle all over again. This is really stupid, and I must stop it! Emily has competent, compassionate doctors sent to us by our loving God who cares about her and wants the best for her. This has to be enough! I know God is telling me to wait. To be patient. And to stop trying to figure this out myself. He has a plan. He knows in advance what will happen. I must find comfort in that!
I think there are so many reminders about having faith and trusting God in the Bible because we need those reminders...lots of them. Keep the faith. Run the race. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Some days that is the most difficult thing to do. Do I even know what it is like to trust someone with my whole heart? Could I imagine myself falling backwards into the arms of Jesus knowing without a doubt that He will catch me? Honestly, no, I can't imagine doing that. Yet. But I know as I read the Bible and read these reminders, it will become part of my nature to let go and trust God.
And lean not unto your own understanding
This is me in a nutshell. (Help! Help! I'm in a nutshell!) I've burned up the internet searching for answers for Emily's problems. I am trying to figure all of this out myself. I am having great difficulty handing this over to God. It seems that on days when I finally give it over, something new or worse happens, and I start the whole cycle all over again. This is really stupid, and I must stop it! Emily has competent, compassionate doctors sent to us by our loving God who cares about her and wants the best for her. This has to be enough! I know God is telling me to wait. To be patient. And to stop trying to figure this out myself. He has a plan. He knows in advance what will happen. I must find comfort in that!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Canon in D
This piece of music reminds me of all that is good in my life, and my cup overflows with love. Here I am, wife of the most wonderful husband, Mom to three incredible children, Stay-At-Home-Mom per my desire, homeschooler, and grateful friend of many. Are there problems? Of course. But, when I am listening to this music my thoughts dwell on the awesomeness of God who gives to all freely, and nothing is insurmountable. I wish I had adequate words to express the peace that I am feeling, and I wish I could bottle it up for times when peace seems far away.
I wouldn't trade places with anyone for anything. (Well, maybe for a kitchen floor that cleans itself!) In fact, I have waxed poetic:
On Motherhood
Tiny boat on a tiny stream
Take from me my childish dream
Help me embrace myself--I've grown
Into a woman I do not know.
Memories ripple on the water
And in the eyes of my daughter,
I see my old future, now my past.
Sweet innocence how I want it to last!
I want that time to replay
To undo some things so that I may
Find peace.
Tiny boat on a tiny stream
Teach me how to let this dream
Float away.
No more time for toys
My world is filled with fear and noise.
Peace is of reach.
The touch of her small hand
Brings me back to now and
I know that it is time
To let go.
Let it go.
Let peace flow.
Tiny boat on a tiny stream
We play, we love, we dream.
She is small for just a minute
Let our day and all that is in it
Be filled with her smile and her laughter
Now and ever after.
Spare her my mistakes and fears
And help me fill these precious years
With a life worthy to live
And enough to love to give
Children of her own.
I wouldn't trade places with anyone for anything. (Well, maybe for a kitchen floor that cleans itself!) In fact, I have waxed poetic:
On Motherhood
Tiny boat on a tiny stream
Take from me my childish dream
Help me embrace myself--I've grown
Into a woman I do not know.
Memories ripple on the water
And in the eyes of my daughter,
I see my old future, now my past.
Sweet innocence how I want it to last!
I want that time to replay
To undo some things so that I may
Find peace.
Tiny boat on a tiny stream
Teach me how to let this dream
Float away.
No more time for toys
My world is filled with fear and noise.
Peace is of reach.
The touch of her small hand
Brings me back to now and
I know that it is time
To let go.
Let it go.
Let peace flow.
Tiny boat on a tiny stream
We play, we love, we dream.
She is small for just a minute
Let our day and all that is in it
Be filled with her smile and her laughter
Now and ever after.
Spare her my mistakes and fears
And help me fill these precious years
With a life worthy to live
And enough to love to give
Children of her own.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Fun With Food--elimination, that is
Cutting out dairy, corn, and wheat is not an easy task. It is relatively easy to find wheat free, and maybe corn and egg free, but not corn, wheat, AND egg free products. I was thrilled to find a wheat free, dairy free, corn free rice bread in the organic section of the grocery store last night. A tiny loaf was about $5, but worth it if Emily would eat it. Today I tried one bite of the bread. After spitting it out immediately, rinsing my mouth, and gulping down some coffee, it still took about 20 minutes to get the filmy residue out of my mouth. Undaunted, I made Emily a peanut butter sandwich with one slice. I figured, "hey, what does a four-year-old know about taste and texture. Besides, anything coated in peanut butter should be at least palatable." How wrong I was! I handed Emily the sandwich, and she ran off happily, saying, "Oh...my...gosh! This beau-bee-ful!" I must admit, it was a pretty sandwich. This bread looks like perfection, slices like a dream, and readily receives the creaminess of the peanut butter. All of this belied the aggressively sawdust-like composition that awaited the unwary taster. About a minute later, Emily was a my elbow, sandwich filled hand extended. "This tastes yuck," she announced. Dollar signs flashed before my eyes, I am ashamed to say. "Don't you want to try just one more bite?" I asked with just a note of desperation. "No. YUCKY!" she exclaimed and ran off again. Sighing, I gave this very expensive failure to the dog. At least he liked it. Emily was back again in a few moments, stuffing something white into her mouth. She had gotten a baby wipe and was making desperate swipes at her tongue. "Ma! Wipe...it...off!" Laura walked in on the whole scene, and said, "Mom, I don't think that was real food." You know what? I think she's right.
Monday, March 23, 2009
"Mama...said...(insert practically anything here)"
Fair warning, dear readers, I'm going to use the word poop...a lot.
Emily, my baby, turns four in just a few short days. As I review my favorite memories of her in my mind, I wonder where today's version of Emily comes from--hands on hips, slightly curly strawberry blond hair sticking out wildly, blue eyes flashing, taking my name in vain...
"Mama...said...NO!"
"Mama...said...SHARE!"
"Mama...said...NO POTTY!"
(This certainly can't come from my side of the family!) Of course, her older brother and sister ignore her, much like they ignore the real Mama, but such is the life of the youngest child and her mother. At least she sounds threatening, so there's time, there's time.
Emily has almost too much personality to be allowed. Impish, active, and sparkly, she can make me scream and laugh at the same time. Just now, I was interrupted in the writing of this when Emily came up to me and cocked her leg. Pointing at her bottom, she announced, "I stink. I pooped." I sighed, grabbed the wipes and a clean diaper. As always, I begin this ritual by saying, "Poop goes in the potty..." To which Emily responds as always, "Not in the diaper." Today she added, "You mad Mom?" I said unconvincingly, "Yes!" Looking totally innocent, she asks"Why, Mom why?"
At this point, you might be questioning my parenting skills. An almost 4 year old still in diapers? To put it simply, most days we pray for poop. I mean that literally. Emily continues to be plagued with stomach issues. Most days her tummy is swollen and painful with constipation, or swollen and painful with acidic diarrhea. It must be confusing to a child when Mom and Dad jump up and down for joy when she finally goes poop after many days of pain. In those moments of joy, we wouldn't care if she pooped on the floor just as long as she did it. So, yes, I have Mom-guilt that she is still in diapers, but she has other challenges right now. I stand by my solemn vow that she will not go to college still in diapers, and we will leave it at that.
Some of Emily's challenges have been more difficult over the last few days. We have been changing her seizure medication, hoping the addition of Topamax to her regimen of Trileptal will help. We are trying to wean her off Keppra which has not been stopping the seizures but it has been causing behavioral issues. We knew we would probably see some increased seizures during this change (we have) and some other behavioral/speech problems, but it doesn't make it any easier to watch. Friday, I was trying to get her into her car seat, and she forgot how to sit in it. She kept trying to stand up and get buckled, and she was upset that it wasn't working. Once I was able to bend her at the waist and get her tucked in, she relaxed almost like she was thinking, "Oh, so that's how you do it." Her speech has been greatly impacted. Usually I can understand around 75% of what she is saying, but lately it has been more like 10%. The worst was when she forgot how to open her GameBoy. Usually she is a baby genius with the thing, but she had it upside-down and backwards, and she was sobbing because she didn't know how it opened. Even with all of this, Emily is not delicate. She goes head-first into everything she does. Every activity is deliberate and passionate. Nothing is going to stop her.
I am often fearful and worried about her future, but I have to lean on the Lord. In Matthew 6:34, Christ says, "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." How true. Today, I am thankful that Emily is napping peacefully, and tomorrow? Well, we'll tackle what happens tomorrow, well, tomorrow.
Emily, my baby, turns four in just a few short days. As I review my favorite memories of her in my mind, I wonder where today's version of Emily comes from--hands on hips, slightly curly strawberry blond hair sticking out wildly, blue eyes flashing, taking my name in vain...
"Mama...said...NO!"
"Mama...said...SHARE!"
"Mama...said...NO POTTY!"
(This certainly can't come from my side of the family!) Of course, her older brother and sister ignore her, much like they ignore the real Mama, but such is the life of the youngest child and her mother. At least she sounds threatening, so there's time, there's time.
Emily has almost too much personality to be allowed. Impish, active, and sparkly, she can make me scream and laugh at the same time. Just now, I was interrupted in the writing of this when Emily came up to me and cocked her leg. Pointing at her bottom, she announced, "I stink. I pooped." I sighed, grabbed the wipes and a clean diaper. As always, I begin this ritual by saying, "Poop goes in the potty..." To which Emily responds as always, "Not in the diaper." Today she added, "You mad Mom?" I said unconvincingly, "Yes!" Looking totally innocent, she asks"Why, Mom why?"
At this point, you might be questioning my parenting skills. An almost 4 year old still in diapers? To put it simply, most days we pray for poop. I mean that literally. Emily continues to be plagued with stomach issues. Most days her tummy is swollen and painful with constipation, or swollen and painful with acidic diarrhea. It must be confusing to a child when Mom and Dad jump up and down for joy when she finally goes poop after many days of pain. In those moments of joy, we wouldn't care if she pooped on the floor just as long as she did it. So, yes, I have Mom-guilt that she is still in diapers, but she has other challenges right now. I stand by my solemn vow that she will not go to college still in diapers, and we will leave it at that.
Some of Emily's challenges have been more difficult over the last few days. We have been changing her seizure medication, hoping the addition of Topamax to her regimen of Trileptal will help. We are trying to wean her off Keppra which has not been stopping the seizures but it has been causing behavioral issues. We knew we would probably see some increased seizures during this change (we have) and some other behavioral/speech problems, but it doesn't make it any easier to watch. Friday, I was trying to get her into her car seat, and she forgot how to sit in it. She kept trying to stand up and get buckled, and she was upset that it wasn't working. Once I was able to bend her at the waist and get her tucked in, she relaxed almost like she was thinking, "Oh, so that's how you do it." Her speech has been greatly impacted. Usually I can understand around 75% of what she is saying, but lately it has been more like 10%. The worst was when she forgot how to open her GameBoy. Usually she is a baby genius with the thing, but she had it upside-down and backwards, and she was sobbing because she didn't know how it opened. Even with all of this, Emily is not delicate. She goes head-first into everything she does. Every activity is deliberate and passionate. Nothing is going to stop her.
I am often fearful and worried about her future, but I have to lean on the Lord. In Matthew 6:34, Christ says, "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." How true. Today, I am thankful that Emily is napping peacefully, and tomorrow? Well, we'll tackle what happens tomorrow, well, tomorrow.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Menu Monday!
I am in manic Monday menu planning mode! Now that I am back on WW, I have to figure out points for all my meals. That makes planning a bit more involved, but I am happy that many of my favorite meals can be tweaked to be much more point friendly. For example, this week we are having (drum roll please)...
Crock Pot Beef Stew (6pts) I changed the recipe from 2lbs of beef to 1lb, and I added 2 more potatoes. http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Slow-Cooker-Beef-Stew-I/Detail.aspx?prop31=2
Honey Baked Chicken with Brown Rice (9pts) I cut this recipe in half. This is my all-time favorite chicken recipe--simply delicious! http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Honey-Baked-Chicken-II/Detail.aspx
Potato Gnocchi in Tomato Cream Sauce (5pts) This is a blend of recipes. The cream sauce is a WW recipe and the gnocchi I found in the pasta section of Target of all places. I plan to add a salad as well.
Chicken Gorditas with Salsa Rice (12pts) Okay, this is the one that is going to kill me. I could probably skim on toppings to get the points down, but I refuse! LOL! This is the last time I will buy the Old El Paso Gordita kit because each shell is 7 pts!!! They are insanely good, so I will savor my last gordita and switch to corn taco shells in the future. This equals 1 gordita and a 1/2 cup+a smidge more of salsa rice.
I wanted 5 dinners planned, but I am stumped and out of groceries for anything else.
Crock Pot Beef Stew (6pts) I changed the recipe from 2lbs of beef to 1lb, and I added 2 more potatoes. http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Slow-Cooker-Beef-Stew-I/Detail.aspx?prop31=2
Honey Baked Chicken with Brown Rice (9pts) I cut this recipe in half. This is my all-time favorite chicken recipe--simply delicious! http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Honey-Baked-Chicken-II/Detail.aspx
Potato Gnocchi in Tomato Cream Sauce (5pts) This is a blend of recipes. The cream sauce is a WW recipe and the gnocchi I found in the pasta section of Target of all places. I plan to add a salad as well.
Chicken Gorditas with Salsa Rice (12pts) Okay, this is the one that is going to kill me. I could probably skim on toppings to get the points down, but I refuse! LOL! This is the last time I will buy the Old El Paso Gordita kit because each shell is 7 pts!!! They are insanely good, so I will savor my last gordita and switch to corn taco shells in the future. This equals 1 gordita and a 1/2 cup+a smidge more of salsa rice.
I wanted 5 dinners planned, but I am stumped and out of groceries for anything else.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Freedom Friday
free·dom:
- The condition of being free of restraints.
- Exemption from an unpleasant or onerous condition. (Thanks to Yahoo! Education for this definition.)
While some may think of dieting as a restrictive activity, I want to see it as an act of freedom. Freedom to be healthy! I don't want to be a slave to food. I don't want a poor self-image. I don't want to get sick or tired or die young. I do want to be a positive role model for my kids. I do want to run in a marathon. I do want to learn to love exercise!
Weight Watchers has rolled out a new plan, of sorts, called Momentum. It combines the best of the Flex and Core plans. I was interested in starting Core anyway, so this is a nice compromise. I weighed in today at the heaviest I have been in 9 years. I'm ready to do this.
- The condition of being free of restraints.
- Exemption from an unpleasant or onerous condition. (Thanks to Yahoo! Education for this definition.)
While some may think of dieting as a restrictive activity, I want to see it as an act of freedom. Freedom to be healthy! I don't want to be a slave to food. I don't want a poor self-image. I don't want to get sick or tired or die young. I do want to be a positive role model for my kids. I do want to run in a marathon. I do want to learn to love exercise!
Weight Watchers has rolled out a new plan, of sorts, called Momentum. It combines the best of the Flex and Core plans. I was interested in starting Core anyway, so this is a nice compromise. I weighed in today at the heaviest I have been in 9 years. I'm ready to do this.
Happy New Year! Welcome to 2009!
I don't know why the mere change of a calendar year fills me with inspiration and renewed hope, but it does. I want to get the most out of 2009! My personal goals for this year are:
1. Get healthy. That means Weight Watchers.
2. Get organized/clutter free. That means FlyLady.
3. Get thrifty. That means CouponMom.
I appreciate these sites because I can have my goals and reach them with the support I need. Not to be a commercial, but Weight Watchers works. I know it works. It isn't just a short-term diet--it is a lifestyle. I have not committed myself to WW in a long time. Maybe it was fear or just plain laziness, but it is time to get going on getting healthy. As for FlyLady...she's preachy, but good. She offers simple steps to a clean, chaos free home. This is another program that flat-out works. I've gotten to the point on the FlyLady system where I would wake up in the morning and everything is...clean! It is surprisingly scary to be in that much control. I would have unexpected free time, and rather than enjoy it or do productive things, I'd let fear make me slip back into my old habits. This time, I am going to slowly create a project list of things I never have time for--like reading something other than a textbook or even starting a Mom's group--to fill my newly found "free time." Now to getting thrifty. Ugh. As it is, we live paycheck-to-paycheck. I'm not nuts with money, but I don't have the control on our household expenses that I think I can have. CouponMom is a wonderful site, and best of all, it is FREE! By the end of February or March, I want to be able to save $50 cash a month for an emergency fund.
Other miscellaneous goals are to blog at least 3 days/week and to have my weekly assignments for my thesis completed by Friday every week.
Here's to a happy, safe, healthy, thrifty, clutter-free New Year!
1. Get healthy. That means Weight Watchers.
2. Get organized/clutter free. That means FlyLady.
3. Get thrifty. That means CouponMom.
I appreciate these sites because I can have my goals and reach them with the support I need. Not to be a commercial, but Weight Watchers works. I know it works. It isn't just a short-term diet--it is a lifestyle. I have not committed myself to WW in a long time. Maybe it was fear or just plain laziness, but it is time to get going on getting healthy. As for FlyLady...she's preachy, but good. She offers simple steps to a clean, chaos free home. This is another program that flat-out works. I've gotten to the point on the FlyLady system where I would wake up in the morning and everything is...clean! It is surprisingly scary to be in that much control. I would have unexpected free time, and rather than enjoy it or do productive things, I'd let fear make me slip back into my old habits. This time, I am going to slowly create a project list of things I never have time for--like reading something other than a textbook or even starting a Mom's group--to fill my newly found "free time." Now to getting thrifty. Ugh. As it is, we live paycheck-to-paycheck. I'm not nuts with money, but I don't have the control on our household expenses that I think I can have. CouponMom is a wonderful site, and best of all, it is FREE! By the end of February or March, I want to be able to save $50 cash a month for an emergency fund.
Other miscellaneous goals are to blog at least 3 days/week and to have my weekly assignments for my thesis completed by Friday every week.
Here's to a happy, safe, healthy, thrifty, clutter-free New Year!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)