Glue, and not in a good way

I lost it over glue. No, not in a hot, painful low-temp glue gun disaster, but in a cold, white, messy Elmer's sort of way.

I faced the New Year with the longest list of resolutions I have ever created. Go big or go home, right? I searched the Internet for self-help tips and books and ordered my way to a new me from Amazon. As quickly as a book arrived, I devoured it, gleaning truths from people who knew better than me with regard to parenting and finances. Armed with my new personal organizing notebook and fridge calendar--filled in!--I set out to make today THE day to put all my plans and dreams into action. (Well, except that diet thing...) I read the first two chapters of Philippians before the kids woke up, and I was humbled and inspired by the Apostle Paul's advice to the church. I was ready to teach today!

Then the kids woke up. Sick. ish. Sickish. Sick, but not sick enough to give them a sick day. Determined, we plugged on through the morning. The kids did great. Then Dad came home. He was helpful in working with Em, and I really appreciated him, but he threw off my groove. It could have been the incessant and ridiculous humming/singing thing he does (which he is doing right now as I type) of just humming/singing 1 tiny part of a song. "How much is that doggie in the window? Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. The one with the waggly tail? Oh please is that doggie for sale? (Yes, I just typed that from life. Someone shoot me.)

I digress. Science involved cutting and gluing. Yep, we are finally to the glue part. Fresh out of safe, kid-and-Mom's-sanity-saving glue sticks, I brought out the old-fashioned Elmers. I thought my instruction of "just use a little dot of glue" was sufficient. Um, no. Three kids and lots of glue everywhere later, I lost it. Not pretty. Definitely a far cry from the Moms I have been reading about in my self-help books.

I had another hissy fit later over something random. Then I realized that the meat I had set out to defrost was still frozen solid. Then I sat in a funk for a while. All my fine plans unravelled in an instant. I realized I was at a crossroads. I could give in and get take-out for dinner which goes against the Moms advice I've been reading, not to mention the Dave's financial advice, and continue the cycle I have been trying to break, or I could get off my butt and figure something else out for dinner. At home. Now tonight's dinner is still cooking, and I refuse to divulge what I am feeding the family, but it is homemade. Um, sort of.

I'm still cranky, but strangely elated. It is like I am on the cusp of something big and the powers that be don't want me to succeed. I can either approach today as a failure or a springboard. I can either give in and get take out, or charge ahead with those crescent-wrapped hot dogs. (oops) I think the direction my parenting and even financial life will take hangs on these little crossroads. What doesn't kill us, or give us indigestion, or glue us to the kitchen table makes us stronger.



Edited to add--my new books really are helpful as long as I don't use them as tool to quit or beat myself up. Self-help, not self-destruct. =)

New Year's Wisdom from Yoda

"Do or do not. There is no try."

As I looked over my alarmingly extensive New Year's Resolution list, I started to panic. There are so many areas in which I need to improve, along with other areas that I'd like to improve. Fear and the need for perfection have always hindered me. I give something a half-hearted try because I know that I will fail or that my efforts will not be good enough. I've written before about being committed but not submitted, and this cycle leads me right back where I don't want to be. Like Luke on Dagobah, I sense fear, pain, and failure. Luke had Yoda to set him straight in the story--I have someone infinitely better!

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13).

The AOP devotional today referenced Revelations 3:15, reminding us not to be lukewarm. (No pun intended to my favorite Jedi warrior!) This cycle I have been in for so long is lukewarm. Ineffective. Unsustainable...as long as it remains MY list. Through prayer and Bible study, I can have the perfect help of Christ who strengthens me and will help me do all things I need to do according to God's will. Perhaps not all of my list will make the cut. Perhaps there will be more added.

There is something wonderful about New Year's Day. Today is a new day, in a new month, in a new year--a day of renewal that millions are using to improve themselves. But, I don't have to wait. I can have renewal every minute of every day. Praise God for that!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!