Fun With Food--elimination, that is

Cutting out dairy, corn, and wheat is not an easy task. It is relatively easy to find wheat free, and maybe corn and egg free, but not corn, wheat, AND egg free products. I was thrilled to find a wheat free, dairy free, corn free rice bread in the organic section of the grocery store last night. A tiny loaf was about $5, but worth it if Emily would eat it. Today I tried one bite of the bread. After spitting it out immediately, rinsing my mouth, and gulping down some coffee, it still took about 20 minutes to get the filmy residue out of my mouth. Undaunted, I made Emily a peanut butter sandwich with one slice. I figured, "hey, what does a four-year-old know about taste and texture. Besides, anything coated in peanut butter should be at least palatable." How wrong I was! I handed Emily the sandwich, and she ran off happily, saying, "Oh...my...gosh! This beau-bee-ful!" I must admit, it was a pretty sandwich. This bread looks like perfection, slices like a dream, and readily receives the creaminess of the peanut butter. All of this belied the aggressively sawdust-like composition that awaited the unwary taster. About a minute later, Emily was a my elbow, sandwich filled hand extended. "This tastes yuck," she announced. Dollar signs flashed before my eyes, I am ashamed to say. "Don't you want to try just one more bite?" I asked with just a note of desperation. "No. YUCKY!" she exclaimed and ran off again. Sighing, I gave this very expensive failure to the dog. At least he liked it. Emily was back again in a few moments, stuffing something white into her mouth. She had gotten a baby wipe and was making desperate swipes at her tongue. "Ma! Wipe...it...off!" Laura walked in on the whole scene, and said, "Mom, I don't think that was real food." You know what? I think she's right.