Negative Nellie

I woke up today to lots of negative thoughts. Give up. Forget the diet. You'll never lose weight. Immediately, I changed my thinking. I remembered the verse--I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can do this. I can. I can. I can!

Then I got to thinking why I am a Girl Friday and not the star of my own show. It boils down to two things that I am lacking: confidence and consistency. I can go like gang-busters for about 48 hours, then the negative thoughts invade, something goes wrong, or I just wear down. Then I give up. It is easier to complain about my problems than it is to fix them. Fixing them is scary! It takes me out of my comfort zone! It deprives me of ice cream! I am afraid to give my all and fail. It is also easier to give my all to someone else--my husband, my kids. If they fail, then I am there to pick them up, comfort them, and encourage them to try again. If I fail, I am alone. (I know this is not reality because I have the most wonderful husband who loves and supports me.) So, I hide or I run away. This is only thing consistent about me--well that and the fact that I am consistently inconsistent. This is what I need to change, and I hope that by writing it all out, I can do just that.

I was also thinking about my parents. My Dad loved the song, "Wind Beneath My Wings." I think he saw a lot of himself and my Mom in that song. My Mom is the ultimate Girl Friday. Quietly, consistently, lovingly, she keeps things going behind the scenes. Don't get me wrong, she gets upset and downhearted, but she does what needs to be done. My dream for her is to some day do all the things she wants to do and is passionate about and let someone do for her for a change. Going back to the song, the opening line says it all:

"It must have been cold there in my shadow,

to never have sunlight on your face.

You were content to let me shine, that's your way.

You always walked a step behind."

I think the sentiment is beautiful, in that the writer eventually realized that she (big assumption there) was the reason he (another big assumption) was successful, but it also irritates me as well. Why can both share the light? Won't two shine brighter together?